I have a dear friend, but we often look at each other like “How did we end up becoming friends”? but we are.
My friend, Daniel and I are from two different worlds. He’s been married for over 30 years, has 3 daughters around my age, just an overall conservative guy and then there is me, a wild and free spirited woman.
Some how our friendship works.
One day we got together and found ourselves in a deep conversation, as we usually do. My divorce and his marriage came up during the conversation and he shared with me his unhappiness with his marriage and how long it has been there.
We talked and shared about what that looks like, what it would or would have looked liked should he had made the changes he wanted to sometime ago, or even now. He shared concerns about money and finding/not finding another partner.
“Well, don't you want to be happy?” I asked
“Who’s happy?” he responded.
I was shocked.
“I’m happy!” I shared
“Well, you are you” he replied.
I thought to myself “What the hell does that mean?”
He proceeded to tell me that if someone would have come along and swept him off his feet he would have considered it.
Daniel also shared the money and houses that would be at stake.
Really? I continued to think.
This conversation hit me really hard and I sat with it for the next few weeks.
I contemplated: Why? How? I don’t get it! I mean, I know I had the luxury of not having children when I left my now ex husband but how can you live in that unhappiness for so long?
How could he, how could anyone live with this discomfort and unhappiness I thought?
Daniel’s situation hurt my heart and soul. Where would he have been should he had made another choice, whether he left his marriage or not? Where would he have been if he made himself and his happiness a priority?
I thought about where I would have been if I didn’t leave my ex, that thought terrified me. Who would I have become? How miserable would I had been? What kind of wife and mother would I had been?
With these thoughts resonating with me so much, I of course brought it in to a therapy session of mine.
Queen D and I discussed how I just couldn't get it or imagine feeling so unhappy, feeling such a pull for something more and staying with the status quo.
During my conversation with Queen D I realized that life isn’t really about happiness, it is about feeling fully alive, knowing what your existence is all about.
When we face times of discomfort or wanting more from life it is a call to look internally at ourselves, to face the truth of what is happening and what is calling us and to look at our lack of expression, our lack of needs being met. It is a time to face the truth head on through self inquiry and inner work.
This often can result in looking at some pretty wounded and painful places within ourselves; I can assure you it is worth the journey.
One thing that I know from my own experience is the importance of faith and trust in something higher. When I left my husband and when I left Canada to travel I had no idea where my life would end up or if I’d even be ok. Yet, I could feel that pull towards something more and knew that if something was pulling me then more had to exist for my life and that the support to get there would always show up.
I also know that if you continue with the status quo, making the choice to settle and ignoring what is calling you, something deep inside you dies.
When I made the move out into the unknown I had faith in source, I desired to be authentic and although I wasn’t in the best place something deep within me knew my value, that I was worth much more than the life I had chosen to leave.
Now when I think of Daniel, my dear friend whom I love, I see a man who played it safe and whom has been and will continue to pay the painful consequences of that if or until he chooses differently.
Through Daniel I’ve see the pain of settling.
Masked by the ‘safe choices’, doing what he ‘should’ do and the living of a comfortable (yet, uncomfortable) life I can still see the longing for more within him, a craving for a life of purpose and belonging.
Choosing what is best for you isn’t easy and usually in the beginning it can be quite distressful to witness the impact that it has on others. When I think back at the night I left my ex husband it still aches yet I know it was absolutely in my best interest for me to leave that marriage.
I often find myself being reminded of some great advice I received long ago: whatever is in the highest good of one is in the highest good of all.
Knowing who you are and living an authentic life doesn’t come without the let down and disappointment from others, yet, this is your life and your life matters, you matter and you being and feeling joyful matters.
So to you, the person reading this, you are reading this for a reason and please know more exists for you, the life and the joy you are longing for is longing for you.
Wishing you all a life of deep joy, aliveness and belonging.